Traces
by Wicked Chic
Summary: After the could Shrieking Shack incident, Remus Lupin finally confronts his fears and opens a box he tucked away filled with the memories of the love he lost 13 years before. SLASHY AT PARTS!


Traces, by Wicked Chic Song by Gloria Stefan "Traces"  
  
Summary: The night after the Shrieking Shack incident, Remus decides to go through a box full of memories from his years with Sirius.  
  
AN: It could be considered depressing; I thought it was. Enjoy!! OOHHH and this has a tiny bit of slashy stuff in it-I don't know if it qualifies b/c this is the first Remus/Sirius that I've written. So if the thought of two guys kissing grosses you out in any way, DON'T READ! If you ignore my warning and flame me, remember that I told you in my wonderful author's note. Got it?? Good. I apologize profusely if there are any typos-I broke my finger and I think I got the errors fixed up. PLEASE REVIEW!!! Love, sarah  
  
PS: Remus, Sirius, and any other characters and/or places metioned sadly do not belong to me. If they did, I would not be as broke as I am right now. They belong to the wonderful JK Rowling. (I'd say 'absolutely bloody brilliant' but seeing as she killed off my Snuffles I don't think I can.)  
  
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Remus Lupin sat stiffly at his kitchen table, a cup of tea cupped between his palms. According to the clock on the mantle, it was nearing two o'clock in the morning; time for all werewolves to be in bed. But Remus couldn't sleep.  
  
Who would be able to sleep after what he had seen the night before?  
  
He shuddered slightly at the fuzzy images he had of the small, freezing room in the Shrieking Shack; Hermione sitting on the bed; Ron sitting at her feet on the floor, his leg at an odd angle and beads of sweat trickling down his face as he fought the pain; a small rat sitting in a corner, trapped by a huge ball of fluff Remus decided had to be Hermione's cat, and Harry pointing his wand at a heap of rags-or rather, they looked like rags in the dimly lit room.  
  
But they weren't rags at all. It was a man; a man Remus had never thought he would see again.  
  
It was the same man who had haunted his dreams for twelve years. The man accused of killing his best friends. The exceedingly charming and troublesome man Remus had fallen in love with all those years ago.  
  
Sirius Black.  
  
After that horrible Halloween in 1981, Remus forced himself to shove away all thoughts of the person he thought he knew, but didn't know at all. Sine then, four sealed boxes have been locked away in the back corner of Remus' closet, never to see the light of day, never to be touched.  
  
But that's about to change. For three of those boxes have been opened, their contents clothes, and schoolbooks, faded and yellow with age. The contents have been stuffed back inside, and returned back to their hiding places. They were meaningless to Remus; they weren't what he wanted to see.  
  
What he wants is in box four; the box now sitting in front of him.  
  
Slowly, the clock ticked on, oblivious to what was about to happen. Because the time has come to open box four, and spill its contents to the four winds. Remus couldn't deal with the pressure any longer.  
  
Sighing, he took a sip of tea. Grimacing, he realized that he prepared it the way Sirius always liked it: two sugar cubes to sweeten the bitter taste, nothing more, nothing less.  
  
"Why now?" he wondered aloud. "I haven't thought about the way he prepared tea in thirteen years! Why start now?"  
  
He got no answer, except for the little nagging voices in the back of his head, screaming 'Because he's back! Because he's back! Because he's ba-'  
  
"ENOUGH!" he hollered, drowning out the voices. Once again, the world drifted back into silence. And Remus is left with box number four-watching, waiting, always lurking in the back of his mind, haunting his every dream.  
  
Shaking slightly, he whispered, "He is not back. He'll never be back."  
  
Reaching for the box, he pulled the lid off cloud of dust escaped from inside as Remus turned the box upside down, spilling the contents out before him.  
  
~~Faded photograph, covered now with lines and creases Tickets torn in half, memories in bits and pieces Traces of love, long ago that didn't work out right Traces of love...~~  
  
Remus smiled sadly down at what he saw. His friends smiled up at him, nearly a hundred different ways. Scattered among photographs were memories from a time when life was perfect.  
  
Carefully, he picked up the first picture he sees. He recognized it instantly as the day he graduated from Hogwarts. There were only two people in the photograph. The two young men pictured were none other than Remus Lupin and Sirius Black- Hogwarts Class of 1978..  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Eighteen-year-old Remus Lupin could not stop staring at the piece of paper he held in his hands. He couldn't believe that he had done it-he had gone to Hogwarts and graduated top in his class.  
  
For the first time, Remus J. Lupin felt he belonged somewhere.  
  
"Moony!" A voice called loudly.  
  
Remus turned around and smiled as he saw a tall young man with shaggy black hair run up to him, throwing his arms around Remus' waist. Remus hugged Sirius just as hard, a rare laugh escaping from his mouth.  
  
"Hello to you, too, Padfoot," he laughed. Sirius raised his head from Remus' shoulder and smiled as he leaned down and pressed his gentle lips on his boyfriend's mouth.  
  
"Congratulations," he murmured into his mouth. Remus made no response, except to wrap his arms around Sirius' shoulders and tangle his fingers in his long hair. At long last, they pulled apart, touching their foreheads together as they smiled breathlessly.  
  
"I didn't think I could do it," Remus said at last.  
  
"I did," Sirius replied, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Remus' ear. "I always had faith in you, Rem. Ever since the moment I met you."  
  
Remus' smile grew even larger as he kissed Sirius again. "Thank you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For having faith in me. For believing I could do anything, and pushing me beyond my limits. For seeing beyond the stereotypes. For always being there for me, and for loving me."  
  
"Well," Sirius admitted, "I guess I should say thank you for everything you've done for me, which would be everything really. I mean, without you, I'd probably be working for You-Know-Who right now."  
  
Remus stared. "Really?"  
  
Sirius nodded. "Yeah. But I'd rather not talk about that right now. In fact," he said slyly, "I'd rather not do any talking at all right now."  
  
Remus smirked. "I think I can take care of that," he said softly as he leaned in toward Sirius. As their lips met, they forgot all about the problems in the world, forgot all about the people who were most likely staring. They didn't care. All that mattered was each other, and their love.  
  
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~~.Things we used to share, souvenirs of days together  
  
The ring he used to wear, pages from an old love letter  
  
Traces of love, long ago that didn't work out right Traces of love, with me tonight.~~  
  
Remus carefully traced the creases on the photo. Lily had taken a muggle picture of them the moment their lips touched. She had given it to them when she developed the film, and Remus carried it in his wallet until the day Sirius went to Azkaban. After that day it was stored away in the box.  
  
He moved on to the other mementos in the pile. He sorted through pictures of Lily, James, himself, and Sirius, all different ages in different places. He laughed as he came across the infamous 'Revenge of the Slytherins' picture, where all four Marauders pouted and frowned at their newly acquired green skin and silver hair.  
  
Underneath that picture was an unopened envelope, addressed to 'Moony.' Remus raised an eyebrow. He didn't remember this at all. He opened it and turned it upside down. Out fell two sheets of paper, and a small golden ring.  
  
Remus' eyes widened. He knew what this was now. His mind took him back to October 31, 1981. Although now that day lived on in his mind as the day Lily and James died, it had originally been the five-year anniversary of Remus' and Sirius' getting together. Every year Sirius had left an envelope with a present out for Remus to read. However, that year Remus never got the chance to open it.  
  
Remus picked up the papers and frowned as he realized he was sorely out of practice of reading Sirius' untidy scrawl. Sighing he began to read.  
  
October 31,1981  
  
Dearest Moony,  
  
Happy Anniversary, love. Can you believe it's been five years already? It seems like just yesterday we were first announcing our relationship to Lily and Prongs and Wormtail.  
Remus, you've made me happier than I've ever been in my whole life. I love you so much. You're everything I've ever dreamed about come to life. You're a bloody genius, very funny, charming, and extremely talented. Not to mention you're incredibly sexy, an amazing kisser, my best friend, and now my lover. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have found someone like you.  
There's just one thing that bothers me, however. It's not you. It could never be you, Remus. It's me. I've realized this for a long time, and I would like to know if you would be able to help me.  
You see, ever since Lily and James got married, I've been thinking a lot about how marriage is a way to show love for someone. It lets the entire world know that you love someone, and are willing to spend the rest of your life with them. Like I am with you.  
I know you never wanted to get married Moony, and I respect that. That's why I've compromised. Inside is a ring. Think of it as a symbol of our undying love for each other. I'd like you to wear it, to show the world that you love me. I have one just like it, to show that I love you.  
Always remember that, Remus. I love you, and I would never intentionally hurt you.  
  
Love always,  
Sirius  
  
~~.I close my eyes and say a prayer That in his heart, he'll find a trace of love still there, Somewhere.~~  
  
Remus closed his eyes as he slipped the ring on his finger. Every thought that had crossed his mind that night in the Shrieking Shack came back. He saw Sirius' pale, thin face; saw the way his ribs protruded from his skin, how he could feel them through the tattered robes. It was then that he could see the small circlet of gold around Sirius' neck, held there by a piece of torn robe.  
  
He felt his stomach squirm. Did Sirius still love him? If he did, why hadn't he owled him? Did it have to do with the Howler Remus had sent to Azkaban after Sirius was taken there? It seemed rather childish and immature to hold a grudge over something that happened thirteen years ago.  
  
It was exactly the thing Sirius would do.  
  
Remus pushed the other photographs and letters away and laid his head in his hands. He found his eyes had filled with tears, and were threatening to spill over.  
  
~~Traces of hope in the night that he'll come back and dry  
  
These traces of tears from my eyes..~~  
  
As the tears fell down his cheeks onto the smiling faces of two young lovers in a passionate embrace, Remus whispered, "I'm sorry, Sirius. Come back to me. I love you."  
  
~~Traces of hope in the night that he'll come back and dry  
  
These traces of tears from my eyes.~~  
  
**Fin** 


End file.
